dodging the russian army draft
Since I became a teenager, I have been terrified of being drafted into the Russian army. This has been one of my biggest fears and has played a big role in shaping my life.
Dodging the draft is a severe crime in Russia, so even now I'm a little nervous writing about it. But look, I'm now past the age of the draft, I've become an American citizen, and I'm legally a woman. Have at me, Putin.
why dodge?
When I was younger in Russia, I remember playing as soldiers with other kids. It's funny how much the context affects your development.
Around when I was 6, my mom and dad gathered me in the corridor at the entrance of our apartment. Standing above me, they told me that my mom is leaving to France and I could choose to follow her or stay in Russia with my dad. I wanted to experience adventure, so I chose to go with my mom.
As I've grown older, I've come to understand how good of a choice I made. Had I remained in Russia, I may already be dead.
Everyone in Russia knows the poor conditions in the Russian army. Men who have money bribe a doctor to "diagnose" them with a disqualifying disease. In the end, the people who end up there either want to be there or are too poor to avoid it. I wasn't surprised so many Russian soldiers deserted in the war against Ukraine.
As I experienced more of the world, I also came to really understand the pain of war that armies cause, and wished no part in this endeavor.
Since 2014 with Russia attacking Crimea, I felt even more terrified of being enlisted. I am Ukrainian and the idea of fighting against my own country still fills me with an inescapable twist of sadness, pain, and horror.
actually dodging it
All Russian men are drafted starting at 18. Once you turn 16 as a man in Russia, they can stop you from leaving the country. So I haven't been to Russia in over a decade. It sounds so easy, but it's been so hard.
One time in high school, my mom told us that she got laid off and she has a month to find another job or we have to leave the US, due to visa rules. Sitting on the stairs in our apartment, I thought, "this is it, I'm gonna have to leave and serve in the military." Luckily, she did find another job, but really it was a close call.
Emotionally, it has been hard to not visit Russia as well. My dad is there, so I haven't seen him in person in over a decade now. I was just as afraid to visit Ukraine due to its close ties to Russia. It's also where I was born and lived the first 6 years of my life, so my connection to the culture I grew up in has been cut.
I envied the cis women in my family, for being born women and doubly for their ability to travel freely across borders with no fear.
Eventually, I managed to get permanent residence in the US. What a relief that was! Nevertheless, I didn't rest easy until last year, when I finally got my US citizenship. I know this because I felt such a huge weight lift off my shoulders. Like water around a jellyfish, the burdens became indivisibly enmeshed from the rest of my life, and finally I only felt them in their absence. Finally, I allowed myself to really think about what I really want to do in life and who I want to be.
Within a few months of obtaining my citizenship, I reconsidered my career plans and my gender.
I made sure to attend the July 4th celebration that year. I didn't fully feel like an American, but I was proud in surviving all these years. As the fireworks went up to the sky, I had so many thoughts, but one stood out.
"I dodged the draft."