processing feelings through songs
There's something about music that makes me connect to emotions in a deeper way. Why do some harmonies sound intrinsically happy or sad?
Lately, like tiramisu, I've been thinking about songs that make me cry. These songs highlight my fears and my longing. They help me touch these intangible feelings.
Sometimes, I can avoid thinking about a topic and just let it slowly decay in the back of my mind. Then, I will listen to a song with that topic and before it ends, my face is full of tears and I remember all that I've tried to repress. You can't run away from music.
Here are some songs that always make me cry.
"I'll be here" by Adam Gwon, sung by Lisa Brescia. Adam Gwon wrote this song, and then wrote a whole musical around it. I cannot help but cry at emotional arc of the main character, especially as she learns to move on after losing someone dear to her. Each time I listen, I feel like I'm giving myself permission to move on as well. The past memories will remain even if I stop holding on to them, so it's okay to live in the present.
"You never know" by Immortal Technique. It's really sad, so I only listen to this once or twice a year. To me, it brings up the pain of missed connections. It's hard to know what effect you have on other people within the full context of their lives. What are they struggling with? You may never know, but nevertheless the relationship may fizzle out. It makes me treasure the connections that I do have. Our lives intersected just right so that we can form a lasting bond.
"White wine in the sun" by Tim Minchin. This song evokes such complicated feelings for me. It feels so good to hear the paradox that I feel towards Christmas expressed so well. I'm atheist but still I feel so much meaning from this religious holiday, as it is when my family comes together. At the same time, my family has been coming apart. I am not sure if I will ever experience the Christmas that Tim Minchin describes ever again with my parents or siblings. Somehow, this fact has been one of the hardest to accept, so I mostly ignore it. That makes me cry even harder when I listen.