how i stopped fearing spiders
I used to be scared of spiders. If there was one in a room, I would shuffle across to the other side of the room. Now, I am okay holding one in my hand. What happened?
Let's examine it as a case study in facing fears.
being curious about it
The biggest shift in my thoughts on spider actually happened in a random neuroscience discussion I attended. There, a professor passionately described the navigational capabilities of jumping spiders. "Their representation of the world is incredible," he'd exclaim. "If you make two towers, place a spider on one and place food on the other, the spider will go down and then navigate up to the other tower."1
This made me respect spiders a lot more. They're not just blindly walking around, they really are navigators! It helped me see them not just as critters but as thinking beings, being present in this world.
I think being curious about what causes fear has helped me a lot. It's not questioning yourself about your fear, but rather looking out at the world and being open to what is really there.
getting really used to similar things
Another shift happened when I started working in a fly lab. Flies haven't really bothered me, but at the start they did make me a bit uncomfortable. After 6 years of immersing myself in a fly setting, I can say that I have really relinquished all aversion to flies. Along with that, similar crawly things have stopped bothering me as well.
I find this technique to be powerful but slow. When getting over my fear of appearing feminine, I started out wearing discreetly feminine clothing (like women's sweaters or jeans) and progressed to more obviously feminine outfits (like dresses or tops with spaghetti strap). It works consistently, but it would take years to be fully comfortable with only this method.
name what's feared
The darkness
His love for me is pure
The darkness
He's handsome for a metaphor
And his name is... Tyler
Yeah, that feels right
- From "The Darkness" by Rachel Bloom, from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Another tip that's helped me with spider is due to the amazing Lynne Kelly.2 Name the fear, name the spider.
Somehow, it feels easier to confront arachnophobia than some vague sense dread when I see a spider. It's also easier to live with spiders if you give them names. Ah that's Kyle passing through! There's Mary-Ann, she spins such wonderful silk.
"The Darkness" song felt really silly the first time I heard it, but somehow with time I've started to enjoy it more. Acknowledging your issues and then making them feel manageable by giving them pet names really does feel like a decent way to cope.
Here is an article describing their amazing abilities in more detail, if you are curious too.↩
In fact, Lynne Kelly has written a whole book about overcoming arachnophobia, driven especially by curiosity!↩