they exist in my mind
One word balloon in From Hell completely hijacked my life ... A character says something like, 'The one place gods inarguably exist is in the human mind'. After I wrote that, I realised I'd accidentally made a true statement, and now I'd have to rearrange my entire life around it.
- Alan Moore
Last night, I dreamt of walking in the streets of Kyiv. For a moment, I was worried about being mistreated as an outsider, but the warmth of people around me soon faded this fear into a distant memory.
I passed a few high end restaurants, then stopped at a small restaurant that a passerby assured me had the tastiest food. I looked inside and on noting first the austere look and then the smell of borsch and freshly baked black bread, I went inside. After eating to my satisfaction, I went back to walk the city streets.
I didn't go far before I came across my grandmother. She took my hand and led me along and as we walked the streets turned from tall Soviet buildings to a bright country. With the warmth of the sun lighting her whole face, she smiled at me. With her eyes, she told me she was proud of me, that she was proud of having such a grand-daughter.
I woke up crying.
In truth the Kyiv that I remember is gone, overshadowed by the fear, courage, and destruction that the ongoing war has brought. My grandmother now has advanced dementia and barely remembers me.
Yet in my memories are images of my grandma taking me through the awe-inspiring subway halls of Kyiv, eating with her at the suspiciously good for their price hidden restaurants, and singing to me accompanied by her balalaika. These memories lay side by side my dreams of an alternative present.
They exist in my mind.