unraveling the threads of my writing process
My writing process for this blog has been very haphazard, but somehow it has worked so far. I've been blogging for a couple months now, so this seems like a good time to reflect on my writing process.
trying to structure my writing process and failing
When I started this blog, I didn't really know where I was heading with it. I just wanted a place to put my more personal thoughts and observations. I didn't really have a schedule either, although somehow I ended up writing every 2-3 days for my earlier posts.
At one point, I did try making a schedule for myself: I would write every Tuesday night. That didn't really work. My ideas would pile up and I would just postpone my writing to Tuesdays. Alas Tuesday is a fickle day. On some Tuesdays I am overwhelmed and in others I'm just not feeling like writing. Clearly this wasn't working, so I just allowed myself to write whenever I feel like it again, on whatever topic.
I have found that it's easiest to write what's freshest in my mind, even if there's a pile of more interesting posts that I could write. This blog is meant to be a little outlet for myself, not another job. Here, I write for me. Thanks for tuning in.
tackling increasingly personal topics
Since the start of this blog, I've been challenging myself to tackle increasingly personal topics. It's been correspondingly increasingly hard to write about these. In order to convey what is meaningful to me, I need to unravel each of the threads connecting my experience to my past and to the world around me. Often, these threads are invisible until I start writing. Why is my hair so meaningful to me? What does anonymity actually bring me? It's so easy to get tangled as I try to answer these questions. I've weaved one thread line on my way to the answers, but it seems like there is a whole tapestry to uncover. So I challenge myself.
I noticed that it takes longer to digest more complex stories. For simple ideas, I can just write out the post directly without much thought. For others, I need to write fragments and outlines to make it sound coherent. It does help me organize my own thoughts though, so I think it's worth the effort.
I wrote a bunch of posts here while crying or brimming with anxiety. Each time, organizing my thoughts into a coherent blog post has eased that. It's also given me something to share with friends to explain my feelings. This is my emotional journal.
balancing writing for myself and others
People visiting this space and reading my posts has been really nice. I must admit that the stats have driven me to write more. At the same time, they made me self conscious of posting my anxiety thoughts. Will people leave as soon as I complain? I've published then unpublished my last post over and over, wavering between wanting to share my feelings in this outlet and somehow wanting to keep people around.
In the end, I decided I made this space for myself first and will just keep posting my anxieties here. To be honest, it feels like if I decide against it, then this blog will eventually die. I would need another outlet for my personal and possibly contradictory anxieties and would place random observations there too.
My feelings have dominated my posts so far and I plan to continue this. Perhaps someday I can unravel the threads enough to bring them together into a tapestry. Perhaps not. Either way, I'll keep posting for my own benefit.